I hate being BiPolar, Its Fantastic

One percent of the British population suffer with Bipolar affective disorder, and i am included in that small bracket. When i speak to someone and tell them that i suffer with this disorder,  i get replies of ‘Does that mean you’re depressed?’ or ‘Does that mean you are mental?’. I also meet people who say to me that they suffer with depression, without ever seeing a doctor about it. The whole area of mood disorders seems to be a grey area for a lot of people, and it makes the people who suffer from it feel distant.

This blog is just to clear up some of the stigma and confusion that i get in everyday life, and possibly to open up others eyes. I am in no way a doctor or expert, i am just a sufferer with an opinion.

There are 3 types of Bipolar disorder, Cyclothomia is a classed as a form of depression, which includes mood swings, mild depression and hypomania, which is a mood disorder which literally means below mania, it’s a mild state of Grandiosity.

Type II bipolar disorder is where the sufferer has never experienced full-fledged mania,they suffer  from hypomania, and counteracting bouts of depression.

Type I Bipolar disorder is where the sufferer has a fully manic episode, with extended periods of manic depression. Incidentally, this is what i suffer from.

I was told i suffered from bipolar disorder only a few months ago, but after researching it and talking to experts, i have found that i suffered from Cyclothomia for many years, this then transformed into Type I last year.

You feel indestructible, hyperactive, you have no self-control, you don’t sleep, you don’t eat, for months on end. You become obsessed with the smallest things, you can drink an entire bottle of whiskey a night and keep going. You sleep with too many people, people you don’t even care about. I know this sounds like a plot to a bad hollywood college movie but these are the symptoms of mania. I would drink more than i ever had, i would sleep 20 minutes a night and eat every three days. This was my life and it was like this for months. I lost 4 stone in that many months, but felt unstoppable. Like an Anti-Hero, Drinking with different people every night, self-control just disappears. and then you fall.

And when you fall you really fucking fall. You go from being the most important thing in the world to the smallest most insignificant thing in the universe. And it can happen so quickly. The symptoms are similar, you don’t eat for days, you don’t sleep for days, you find it difficult to be around other human beings, you see everything as bleak and pointless, the insignificance consumes you. You lose your friends, i have pushed many away through this. I didn’t want to, i just shut myself in. I could sit listening to old records all night with a bottle of cheap whiskey and just, sit. Not really thinking either, not really anything, you become no one. You don’t see this person as yourself. You contemplate death far too much, getting to that edge and stepping back from it is one of the most difficult things ive ever done. And there is no reason for it, it can be the smallest thing to trigger it, It’s just the way your brain perceives something.

And once again this can last months.

I have not written this as a call for sympathy, just to say what this feels like, feeling depressed and suffering from depression can be very different. Manic Depression is a truly horrific disorder. I haven’t gone into massive detail, you don’t need the ins and outs of my life, But it is a overview, a quick blurb of what people like me go through.

In times of lucidity i see myself as selfish. There are people in this world who have troubles that greatly outweigh anything i can comprehend, however i cannot help this, it’s not a choice, it just is. I’ve only had one episode of mania, it lasted around 5 months, and was a generally unpleasant time for most. I have several episodes of manic depression, recently i have been suffering from cyclothomia, but when compared to the other option i would rather this.

The hardest part of falling down, is having to pick yourself up.

 

A brief Outburst about opening up to an online community.

I apologise for being emotional via twitter, being emotional over a social networking site seems dumb and cowardly

However, twitter is an escape mechanism, in it’s purest form, we share our joys and our woes here

And occasionally the woes outweigh the joys, but as someone who lives an isolated existence as I’m sure many of you can sympathise with

It is a good means of escape, from the harsh, un wielding world of realism

We try our best in real life to pretend nothing is wrong, to act the bigger person, but after a while this becomes old.

Once again I apologise, but with twitter you are never alone, and this is it’s beauty.

Borderlines: The last Day

Last day of the festival. And to kick things off, the beautiful projection team.

 

Borderlines. The Films of week 2 in Perspective

Its been a hectic week here at the theatre, with over 80 showings in one week. Due to the heavy amount of work i havent had time to update the blog. However i have seen a lot of films, and here is a brief overview of some of the best films at the Festival.

These reviews are my own opinion and in no way reflective of anyone elses. However i will start with the best film ive seen at the festival.

Animal Kingdom

10/10

This film slipped under my radar, and it was one of the best films ive seen in recent years. After the death of his mother, Josh is taken in by his estranged family, quickly he becomes absorbed into their violent culture of crime, and gets stuck between his family and a detective trying to help him.

This film is beautiful, in every sense of the word, the cinematography makes even the smallest of scenery seem fantastic, and the original soundtrack is so simplistic it creates the perfect atmosphere for the tension behind every frame. The acting throughout isperfect too, with newcomer James Frecheville delivering a stunning performance.

 

Uncle Boonme who can recall his past lives

8/10

Without a shadow of a doubt possibly one of the strangest films i have ever seen. Containing a 5 minute long scene where a woman has sex with a fish, and a family of monkey ghosts who become quite prevalent to the story. Much like Animal Kingdom this film is beautiful, but in a very different way. Its imagery is sublime, with such subtle shots and effects that it becomes a pleasure to watch.

This was a relatively unknown film until it picked up the Palme d’Or at the cannes film festival, and from that has become a highly succesful film.

 

Never Let me Go

8/10

Being a rather big fan of the book i was wary as i went into the theatre to see this film. The Trailer gives nothing of the plot away, in fact it makes it seem like a lovely romance film. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no happiness in this film, it is bleak as bleak can be. It has a ‘Children of Men’ gritty realism to it, never disguising the fact that this is what people would be like put in this situation.

The Score to the film is amazingly simple, a single violin leading most of the film. Andrew Garfield proves his abilities as an actor in this his first motion picture since ‘The Social Network’. Keira Knightly is reliably effective in the role, and Cary Mulligan holds the entire story line together. Not Expecting to enjoy this film i came out pleasantly surprised, if not a tad depressed.

 

Benda Belili

9/10

If this wasnt a documentary you wouldn’t believe it was real. The story of 5 paraplegic men and 1 able-bodied young man, living in poverty, start a band, and use their talents to play to a crowd of 8000 people. This heart warming documentary cannot fail toimpress.

 

 

Howl

6/10

James Franco takes on the role as the legendary Allen Ginsburg, Author of Howl. Portrayed very well, Franco delivers the poetry with real power and grace. The illustrations for the poetry making the effectiveness of the words even more powerful. The film isonly let down by delving too much into Ginsburg’s past, which in matter of fact, isn’t terribly interesting.

 

 

 

Tangled

8/10

Being from the Pixar generation (Starting with Toy story as a child and growing up to appreciate the beauty of Up and Wall-e) i was dubious about Disney’s 5oth animation release in Tangled. However, saved by brilliant writing and a fantastic voice cast (mostly saved by Ron Pearlman and Brad Garret) I enjoyed every moment of this film. It had all the complexities and nuance of the Disney classics, with every character done to perfection. Mandy Moore’s voice can get a bit grating after the first 5 songs though…

 

 

 

With Gilbert and George

1/10

Never see this film. Unless you are a fan of Gilbert and George. The artists (who make art which consists of bodily fluids and naked pictures of themselves) never stop talking about themselves, and with a running time of 2 hours, becomes a tad un-interesting. The one piece of their art entitled ‘Bumholes’ is the two gentleman bent over naked gaping there bottoms. It is most unpleasant. Please never see this film. Ofcourse there have been many films at the festival but being as busy as we are, these are the only ones i have had the chance to see in full.

Borderlines: Setting the scene

For anyone that comes to the festival, they will notice as they take their seat in the auditorium that the music playing before the film is specially catered for the style of the film. As projectionists we adore movie scores, original soundtracks and music inspired by film. So we try to utilise this to make the cinema going experience even more enjoyable.

Depending on the Genre, Language, director, composer or general atmosphere of the film we can tell exactly what music to put before it. Most cineplex’s today will either play a local radio station recording on repeat or the predictable movie themes such as Harry Potter and Alien. We like to make it a bit more personal.

Some examples of how we cater to the film with music are:

Tangled – Where most theatres would play usual Disney songs we went for a more natural feel and went with some songs from composers of recent Disney animations. Thomas Newman’s unforgettable score to Wall-E, Michael Giacchio’s beautiful score for Up and Hans Zimmers powerful score for The Lion King greeted the audience as they came through the door, giving that loving feeling of the Disney company whilst still being obscure enough to not detract from the upcoming screening.

Here is a spotify link for some of the music we used: Disney

Never Let Me Go – The mixture of the soundtrack from the film, and the beautifully used Luther Dixon song of the same name as the film, created the perfect atmosphere for the film. The Score for the film being so beautiful itself, but used in such a subtle way in the film that the audience wouldn’t know that they have already heard some it.

Never Let me go - Jane Monheit

If you would like any information on the music we play before screenings feel free to use the comment section below.

 

 

 

Borderlines 2011: True Grit

True Grit is the newest film from the Cohen brothers, the award-winning team behind ‘The Big Lebowski’, ‘No country for old men’ and ‘Oh brother, where art thou’.

The film is a re-imagining of the 1969 classic with Jeff Bridges taking over the role of Rooster Cogburn from the legendary John Wayne. Bridges delivers, once again, another amazing performance.  The man who will be forever associated with ‘The Dude’  Takes the role and makes it utterly unique. With newcomer Hailee Steinfield playing the lead female role as Mattie Ross with brilliant precision, the viewer is completely immersed in the journey of the two characters. Supported by Matt Damon as a Texas Ranger who is tracking down the same outlaw as Cogburn. The Outlaw in this film played perfectly by Josh Brolin.

We follow Mattie and Rooster as they hunt Tom Chaney (Brolin), the man who killed Mattie’s Father. The Direction and cinematography are beautiful and aptly amplify the powerful characters.

True Grit is running for the next 3 days at the Film Festival. If you live in Hereford and are yet to see this modern masterpiece i cannot recommend a film at the festival any stronger. (Actually i can, but i will blog that film tomorrow)

Borderlines 2011: Day 6 photo gallery

apparently this is what it looks like outside today. For us here in the dark control boxes we will know no simple pleasures today. However, here is a few random backstage photo’s of the projectionists hard at work.

Simon the Chief Projectionist making up the next 35mm film

Our reliable Vic 5 projector hard at work.

The studio theatre before the BAFTA screening of Killing Bono

The Main House from the control box

Me making up True Grit for its first screening tomorrow morning.

Martyn looking as enthusiastic as possible about starting the Main House film.

A rather moody shot of myself checking on the studio theatre

The Chief Projectionist ‘Relaxing’